p|eAse |eAve me A|One
i know i sound desperate. i know i sound harsh. i know i sound vulnerable. i cant help it. i realy am.
i jz cannot understand y cant my parents leave me alone? i know love & care is essential, but pls, pls pls pls pls pls, do not overdo it. im sick & tired of being in the cage. i am sick & tired of being a stringed doll. like when my parents pull one string, i move my left hand. pull another sting, i move my right leg. when r they gona cut away all the strings & let me move on my own?
i know many pple out there will hate me for this. they will curse me for not appreciating my parents' love. they will curse me to death, a suffering death. i swear to god, i love my parents too, i would die for them. tat is why i am still forcing myself to do what they wish but i realy duno when i'll breakdown & give up. so i wish, i realy wish they can let me live my own life. choose my own path. i wana walk wif my own two feet. i wana touch wif my own two hands. if i fall, i will get up & move on by myself. i dun need a safety net beneath me all my life. i wana hurt myself & learn from mistakes.
if they had let me progress naturally with time & let me explore my own self when i was younger, i would hv made it to be someone really important in the badminton scene. i practically gave up on badminton bcoz they were too involved in my game. every single lil thing were planned by them. i envied my frens who had the freedom to learn, had the freedom to explore. on the other hand, i had to win every single match, even in training bcoz if i didnt, they would scold me real badly. how was i suppose to learn? i jz kept playing safe all the time, so i could win. & where has tat led me? to the extend of giving the whole game up. it came to stage where i hated badminton, i hated it sooo much, i didnt even want to hold the racquet or see it. "get that fuckin' racquet out of my face, damn it!"
i realise that my blog has nothing but misery. i cant help it. sometimes i do seem to look happy & jovial in the outside. its all a facade. a disguise. underneath it all, all i hv to offer is misery. i'm sorry.
i jz cannot understand y cant my parents leave me alone? i know love & care is essential, but pls, pls pls pls pls pls, do not overdo it. im sick & tired of being in the cage. i am sick & tired of being a stringed doll. like when my parents pull one string, i move my left hand. pull another sting, i move my right leg. when r they gona cut away all the strings & let me move on my own?
i know many pple out there will hate me for this. they will curse me for not appreciating my parents' love. they will curse me to death, a suffering death. i swear to god, i love my parents too, i would die for them. tat is why i am still forcing myself to do what they wish but i realy duno when i'll breakdown & give up. so i wish, i realy wish they can let me live my own life. choose my own path. i wana walk wif my own two feet. i wana touch wif my own two hands. if i fall, i will get up & move on by myself. i dun need a safety net beneath me all my life. i wana hurt myself & learn from mistakes.
if they had let me progress naturally with time & let me explore my own self when i was younger, i would hv made it to be someone really important in the badminton scene. i practically gave up on badminton bcoz they were too involved in my game. every single lil thing were planned by them. i envied my frens who had the freedom to learn, had the freedom to explore. on the other hand, i had to win every single match, even in training bcoz if i didnt, they would scold me real badly. how was i suppose to learn? i jz kept playing safe all the time, so i could win. & where has tat led me? to the extend of giving the whole game up. it came to stage where i hated badminton, i hated it sooo much, i didnt even want to hold the racquet or see it. "get that fuckin' racquet out of my face, damn it!"
i realise that my blog has nothing but misery. i cant help it. sometimes i do seem to look happy & jovial in the outside. its all a facade. a disguise. underneath it all, all i hv to offer is misery. i'm sorry.
posted by suki_jAy_lee at 11:28 PM
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